can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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