Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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