rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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