Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
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My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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