My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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