What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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