the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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