I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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