There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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