Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize