I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize