My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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