FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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