good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
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I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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