it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize