i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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