I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize