Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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