Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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