i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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