So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize