Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My bed smells like the plague
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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