everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize