I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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