where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
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You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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