this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize