So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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