I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
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note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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