I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
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Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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