i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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