i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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