So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
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just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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