I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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