Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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