there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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