I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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