i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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