he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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