You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
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Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize