I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize