is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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