I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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