i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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