Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
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I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
did you just send me my own nude
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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