it was like eating out sand paper
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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