He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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