what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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