he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Michael Bay diarrhea
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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