You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
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getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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