I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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